En latter forlenger livet ! Humor

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Golfvitser:

Denne, og de to neste, er hentet fra: http://www.lag.com.au/jokes/jokes1.htm

An elderly member breezed into his golf club late one afternoon when there were still a number of golfers in the lounge. He slapped a $50 note down on the bar and said, "Drinks all round, barman, if you please."

The golfers accepted readily, so the old gent pushed the change across the bar and said, "Let's have another round, barman." Whilst the party was consuming the second round, the barman came back and said, "Tell me, sir. You don't come into the club these days, yet here you are, shouting for the bar. What's the celebration?"

"Well," replied the old member, "as you know, I'm a retired army major of 69, and tomorrow I'm being married to a delightful young lass of 19 - daughter of an old army colleague of mine. So I have reason to celebrate. Let's have another round."

So they did, and eventually the major staggered off home. Some time later, the major reappeared at the club, produced a $100 note and repeated the performance. After the second round, the same barman said to him, "Major, I remember last time you came in and shouted because you were being married the next day. So what's the celebration for this time?"

"Well, my boy, this morning my wife gave birth to a fine bouncing baby boy. So again I'm celebrating. Another round please." Whilst this round was being served, an experienced golfer, with a good memory for scores, came over and said, "Major, I overheard your conversation, and I was here last time you were celebrating your impending marriage. Wasn't that only seven months ago?"

"Yes," said the major, "and that's what I'm so bloody delighted about - two under par, on a strange course, with concealed holes, using two old balls and an old club with a whippy shaft


A DEDICATED GOLFER...

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is GOOD for you! Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt YOU to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"


Man and woman at breakfast table, she having cup of coffee, he reading newspaper. Wife to husband: "Honey, if I die before you will you remarry?"

Husband, quietly putting paper down, a little surprised, replies, "Well, we have had a good marriage and marriage is a good institution; so, yes, I'd probably remarry."

He goes back to reading the paper, she gets another cup of coffee and after a few minutes, asks: "Honey, if I die before you and you remarry, would you bring her to live in our house?"

He lowers the paper slowly, thinks for a second and says: "Well, we worked hard to pay off the mortgage and it would be silly to move some place else so, yes, I think I would bring her to live here."

He returns to his paper, a few minutes pass and she asks: "Honey, if I die before you and you remarry and you bring her to live here in our house, would you let her use my golf clubs?" Don't be ridiculous," he says as he slams down the paper, "she's a lefty!"


Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?" Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a nudge and say, 'GolfCourse or Intercourse?' and she says, 'Wear your sweater.'"

Fra: http://www.iservco.com/~dave/ (brutt link pr. 01.11.00)


The genie
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch BIC lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster." "I got it from my genie." "You have a genie," he asked? "Yes, he's right here in my golf bag." "Could I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?" "Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!" He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch BIC?"

Fra: http://www.iservco.com/~dave/ (brutt link pr. 01.11.00)


BAD DAY ON THE COURSE
One day, as I was playing the fairway on the 15th hole of my local course, I watched as the man, on the fairway running parallel to mine, hit several balls into a water hazard. In frustration he eventually tossed his club into the water quickly followed by bag and the rest of his clubs. He stormed off the course only to return a few minutes later. He walked into the water, retrieved his bag, removed his car keys and threw the bag back in.

Fra: http://www.golfathalfprice.com


Manager: I'm sorry. Sir, we have no time open on the course today.
Golfer: Wait a minute, what if Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus showed up? I'm sure you'd find a starting time for them.
Manager: Of course we would, sir.
Golfer: Well, I happen to know they're not coming, so we'll take their time.

Fra: http://mrgolf.com/golfjoke.html


A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot. As he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system. "Will the gentleman on the ladies tee please move back to the men's tee". He looked up and then resumed addressing the ball again. The voice again- "Will the Man on the Red tees move back to the White Tees"!! He looked back at the starters shack and said, "Will the man on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the ladies tee can hit his second shot"

Fra : http://www.golfjokes.net/


Styremøte i golfklubben:
Formann: Hvis det da ikke er flere saker erklærer jeg møtet for hevet.
Styremedlem: Vent litt, vi har ikke behandlet saken om å ekskludere Olsen fra klubben !
Formann: Ekskludere Olsen ? Hvorfor det ?
Styremedlem: Han hadde jo sex med sekretæren, i bunkeren ved 9 green !!!!
Formann: Kremt... det er vel egentlig ikke noe grunn til å ekskludere han ? Det er da mange av oss som kunne tenkt oss å gjøre det samme !!??
Styremedlem: Joda, men har rakte ikke bunkeren etter seg !!!!

Fra : Anonym


Amateur: ``How do you get so much backspin?''
Pro: ``Before I answer that, tell me, how far do you hit a 5 iron?''
Amateur: ``About 130.''
Pro: ``Then why in the world would you want the ball to spin *back*?''

Fra : http://www.golfathalfprice.com


Well, I have never played this badly before!
I didn't realize you had played before, Sir!

Fra : http://www.golfathalfprice.com


Two long time golfers were standing over looking the river.
One golfer looked to the other and said, "Look at those idiots fishin' in the rain."

Fra : http://www.golfathalfprice.com


One Sunday morning a Catholic priest wakes up and notices it's a gorgeous day - so beautiful that he couldn't possibly turn away from playing golf.

So he decides to play but has one problem. The priest has to say Mass in just a couple of hours. The priest thinks, then asks the another priest if he would say his masses today because the first priest isn't feeling well. The other priest agrees. So now the first priest is off to the golf course. He decides to play a little bit past town thinking that way no one could possibly see him playing golf, since he was suppose to be sick.

Right before he tees off on the first hole, St. Peter turns to Jesus and says "Are you going to let him get away with that?" Jesus replies "No, I guess not." So the priest tees off on the first hole, the longest par 4 on the course. He hits the ball and to his surprise sinks it in!!! A hole in one!!! St. Peter turns to Jesus and says "I thought you weren't going to let him get away with lying?" Jesus replies: "I'm not." St. Peter then says, "Well, he just he a hole in one on the longest par 4 of the course!!!" Jesus turns to St. Peter and says, "Yes, but who is he going to tell???"

Fra : Free Golf Clip Art


Visdomsord

Gary Player ble en gang spurt om flaks, da svarte han: "The more I practice, the luckier I get."

"Golf fairways should be made more narrow. Then everyone would have to play from the rough, not just me."
Seve Ballesteros

Golf is the hardest game in the world. There is no way you can ever get it. Just when you think you do, the game jumps up and puts you in your place.
Ben Crenshaw Kilde: http://www.golfathalfprice.com/

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